11-27-24

Exactly 37 years ago this week a classic of modern cinema hit the big screen….it

was a tale about being thankful….and about the perils of holiday travel…..the

movie was Planes, Trains and Automobiles starring Steve Martin and the late John

Candy…..and their efforts to get home when every aspect of travel was against

them……but the underlying story was that one of them had something to go

home to while the other had no one……it was really a story about being

thankful……about family…..about things that are bigger than us and recognizing

what’s really important……and yes, it was about the perils of holiday travel and

Charlene and I can relate…..

Some of you know that our son and daughter-in-law and the two most perfect of

all grandchildren are now living closer to home…..but his job has kept him out of

state and at times he was a day’s drive away……Charlene and I are blessed and we

know it……grandkids are everything they have been billed as……love ‘em, get ‘em

all sugared up, and let the parents deal with the aftermath! …..but I’ve got to tell

you, when they live so far away that getting to and from each visit can be a

challenge…..it can be even more of a challenge when you get caught in airline

purgatory…….

Ok, brace yourselves for the Rightside version of Planes, Trains and

Automobiles…..do you remember back in the halcyon days of air travel when

flying was a luxury and it seemed to command a certain level of respect and

congeniality…..I mean they had stewardesses whose sole function was to make

your life more comfortable….airlines bent over backward to be seen as the

friendly skies….the one who provides the customer service that warrants your

appreciation and a zeal for continued travel on their fair airplanes….where the

Captain always smiles and the ticket counter works expeditiously to meet your

every expectation……yeah, about all that……so Charlene and I had a planned trip

to Virginia….Like I said, to see our son and his beautiful bride and our most

perfect grandchildren…..they were the sole source of our desire to get out of

town and just be with family for a few days…….that’s a 12 hour drive mind

you…..and if you drive it then you spend two full days on the road going there and

back………so we worked to find the best air fare figuring we would maximize our

time with loved ones……..we even decided to take a red eye flight at zero dark

thirty out of Birmingham……why not!

Well, instead of flying the friendly skies it turned into a reenactment of the scene

from Animal House where the pledges have to go through their initiation paddling

and every time one of the fraternity pledges bends over to get paddled he has to

yell “Thank you sir, may I have another!”……

Where do I begin with my complete dress down of American Airlines?.......well,

the joy began with Charlene and I leaving the house at 0400…..no worries, flights

out of Birmingham are easy and we know that airport well…..we arrived on

station in good time only to find the parking deck elevator was out of order…..so

we walked several minutes over to the next elevator that didn’t want to work

because of who knows why?......just as I was preparing to tote bags down the

stairs the elevator doors actually opened …..but when we reached the bottom we

realized that we had moved further away from the ticket counter area…..so we

hiked……and a ¼ mile later we arrived at the American Airlines desk….we did the

whole self-serve faceless kiosk thing which seems like a complete waste of time

since you then still have to take your bags to the counter to be weighed

anyway…..fine….we did so only to have the first ticket counter lady with the

purple hair …..who had no customers by the way…..ask if we had checked our

bags…..you mean the bags that are obviously sitting here at my feet? No

mam……move down! She yelled from six feet away…..move where? ….down

there!.....down where? To the far end…..okay…..to another lady who did have

customers……after standing in line several minutes for the new lady we finally

approached the counter only to have the new lady tell us in broken English that

we could not check our bags……what?.....you’re five minutes too late …..too late

for what? They haven’t even started boarding…..no, no, no, Birmingham rules are

bags checked 45 minutes before flight! She said in some kind of angry accusatory

broken English slang mix …..well, Mam we’ve been right here….and the

elevator….and the line move from the other lady….we’re not late. …….too late

now! You can go standby. …..standby for what? We have tickets and they’re not

boarding yet!......suffice to say this was getting nowhere and made worse by the

snide comment from the purple haired lady about people not following

Birmingham’s rules…….well, what if we just board without our luggage and let the

luggage catch up to us on the next flight?.......no way! You can’t fly on separate

planes without luggage! You go standby!.......At this point I was about to climb

over the Counter but for Charlene’s well placed hand on my arm…….so the end

result was that despite arriving early we were shuffled into purgatory while our

early morning flight departed without us……and thus began the odyssey……

We managed to get on standby seating several hours later only to board and then

just prior to taxiing from the gate the Captain announced that our midpoint

destination of Charlotte was socked in by fog……so we all deplaned and sat

around the terminal for another one hour plus……when we eventually arrived in

Charlotte several hours later it was to a scene that looked more like a refugee

operation in a foreign land…..I kid you not, the terminals were a madhouse…..if

you kicked over a fire ant nest you wouldn’t see that much activity…..complete

bedlam….and folks camped out in the floors at every turn. The line at the

American Airlines customer service desk (there’s an oxymoron by the way) was

literally 200 people long…….did I mention by the way that the only place in the

world that was still considered at that time to be a covid health risk was the

Charlotte airport so we were all wearing masks for hours……unless of course the

guy next to you wanted to eat his pretzels on the plane at which point he was no

longer contagious and could take off his mask…..but I digress……we were shucked

off to a gate at which we waited for a couple of hours on standby…..at one point

the kind gate attendant looked at Charlene and I and literally said “well, I think

there might be some room on this flight” …..but after checking her mood changed

and she made note that we were late in Birmingham and therefore she could not

help…..what?! ……yes, apparently we were carrying a scarlet letter on our shirts

that branded us to every attendant from hither to yon…….no help for these rule

breakers! They didn’t follow Birmingham’s unwritten rule!........we didn’t make

that flight……so we were shucked off to another gate where we waited for 2

hours with baited breath ……I finally started calling rental car companies…..one

hapless lady told me that I couldn’t drive one way to Richmond…..that I would

have to return it to the Charlotte Airport…….”I said you don’t understand. I don’t

want to return to the Charlotte Airport…ever….in my whole life”…..to which she

just said “oh sweet Jesus” and hung up on me…….I was just checking on the

availability of U-haul trucks to rent when they began calling for boarding……..and

yes! we made it on. We arrived in Richmond in roughly 12 hours…..the same

amount of time it would have taken to drive…..oh, and funny thing. Our bags

were not on the carousel……but there they were at the baggage claim office! They

arrived on an earlier flight! …..but I thought the bags couldn’t fly without the

person? Ooooohhhhh,………only if the airline wants them to……

The return trip went somewhat smoother……somewhat……our connector was

only delayed by a little over an hour…….oh, and they lost my suitcase…..but hey,

they delivered it to the house the next morning……..

But listen, while that may have been a raucous effort to turn a 12 hour trip into a

4 hour trip and back to a 12 hour trip…..the reality is that we finally got to

Richmond…..and we walked out of the terminal and to the escalator to baggage

claim…..and there was our son, and our daughter-in-law, and that perfect

grandson who was beside himself that we were there and all of that fracas just

seemed to melt away……so yes, if the smile of a 2-year old and the hug of loved

ones is on the far end of a bad flight then I will say “Thank you sir, may I have

another?!” every single time.

So if you’re traveling this Thanksgiving just keep your wits about you….bring the

charging cable for your phone and something good to read and remember that it

will be worth it on the other end……it was for us…..But I would prefer not to fly

American Airlines ever again…..

And that’s a wrap for the Rightside Way…..